~ From the Abyss that is My Human Mind~

And I said, “This is going to be a good summer. I am going to have a car and a job and be able to...

Mon, 13 May 2013 13:07:55 -0400

And I said, “This is going to be a good summer. I am going to have a car and a job and be able to spend time with my friends. I will be able to handle living at home because I am stronger and doing better. I won’t get as depressed because it will be hot and sunny all the time. I will remain this motivated and work hard on my plans for the fall, becoming President of Spanish club, and in general reading, listening and writing every day to better my Spanish skills. I might even develop this new romance and see what happens, who knows?”

And then my job offer fell through… and one of my best friends is going to be gone for a good part of the summer… and the other will be caught up in her boyfriend. And I’m not handling living at home because the only thing that got stronger was my anger. And I have been depressed because it has been more cold and rainy than hot and sunny. I am not motivated at all to better my skills because being President now feels like a burden instead of a privilege and I have no idea what I’m doing. And the romance that I was trying to develop showed its true colors, so the hopefulness fell apart pretty quickly, and the hopelessness easily came to take its place.

And then I get angry because good things are supposed to happen to good people, good things are supposed to happen if you believe in them, if you plan for them, if you work hard for them.

But those are lies.

And that makes me very, very sad.

I’m sorry but your accent just makes me want to take my panties off

Mon, 29 Apr 2013 11:55:25 -0400

I’m sorry but your accent just makes me want to take my panties off

And if I like the marks you leave on me It’s because they make me think of you.

Fri, 26 Apr 2013 01:49:55 -0400

And if I like the marks you leave on me
It’s because they make me think of you.

Why am I never good enough for anything

Wed, 17 Apr 2013 21:50:07 -0400

Why am I never good enough for anything

It’s really the shittiest thing when I close my eyes and your face is there.

Mon, 08 Apr 2013 12:57:14 -0400

It’s really the shittiest thing when I close my eyes and your face is there.

And so I went Feeling last Feeling left Feeling lonely

Sat, 30 Mar 2013 23:18:13 -0400

And so I went

Feeling last

Feeling left

Feeling lonely

I don’t feel like I’ve ever had someone go call mine…

Fri, 29 Mar 2013 15:01:04 -0400

I don’t feel like I’ve ever had someone go call mine…

Certain things are just easy for some people. Sigh. I wish I was one of them.

Fri, 29 Mar 2013 03:18:39 -0400

Certain things are just easy for some people.
Sigh.
I wish I was one of them.

All I want is for you to give me a chance. Maybe I’m not what you’re expecting. Maybe I...

Thu, 28 Mar 2013 09:53:12 -0400

All I want is for you to give me a chance.

Maybe I’m not what you’re expecting.

Maybe I am,

Maybe you will like it.

I know that I could make you happy,

I know that it could work.

It really could.

I wish you’d give it a chance.

When I told you, “I don’t want to lose you as a friend,” It was a lie. Although I was not looking...

Thu, 28 Mar 2013 09:52:44 -0400

When I told you, “I don’t want to lose you as a friend,”

It was a lie.

Although I was not looking forward to living my life without you in it,

That I was saying those words to you

Was evidence that

I had lost you already.

You stopped being my friend the night you pulled me into your chest and kissed me.

The funny thing was,

You never lost me as a friend…

And so you lost me as everything.

You let me slip right through your fingers, Took me for granted when you kissed her. Now when...

Sun, 17 Mar 2013 18:29:00 -0400

You let me slip right through your fingers,

Took me for granted when you kissed her.

Now when she’s gone and you don’t miss her,

I hope you think of me.

I just really need something tight now. It doesn’t have to be huge. But I just need something...

Tue, 12 Mar 2013 18:26:18 -0400

I just really need something tight now. It doesn’t have to be huge. But I just need something because I’m feeling really alone and it’s just too much and I just. Really. Need. Something.

I’m getting really freaking tired of everyone needing me. What about me? When do I get to be...

Tue, 12 Mar 2013 17:07:46 -0400

I’m getting really freaking tired of everyone needing me.
What about me? When do I get to be weak?

Drove home lonely Listening to Broken Wings by Alter Bridge And remembering that quote from the To...

Sun, 10 Mar 2013 00:20:00 -0500

Drove home lonely

Listening to Broken Wings by Alter Bridge

And remembering that quote from the To This Day Project… “The uphills were mountains and the downhills were cliffs”

Photo

Fri, 22 Feb 2013 12:12:11 -0500

I’m worried that you will try to see me Or worse You won’t

Tue, 19 Feb 2013 20:20:44 -0500

I’m worried that you will try to see me

Or worse

You won’t

Deep breaths. Amazing how much emotion can come from one little sentence, one not even meant for...

Sun, 17 Feb 2013 17:14:13 -0500

Deep breaths.
Amazing how much emotion can come from one little sentence, one not even meant for you. How it can make you remember all your hopes and plans and dreams and how you hoped that one day they would come true with someone. How seeing someone else wholly happy like you want to be can make your stomach drop right out of your chest… How it can change your whole day.
Amazing the strength of a few little words.
Deep breaths…

I get scared of myself when I’m like this. It’s a desperate need to be loved, touched,...

Sun, 17 Feb 2013 16:36:20 -0500

I get scared of myself when I’m like this. It’s a desperate need to be loved, touched, close to someone. I want to be owned by someone, fill this hole that is impossible to fill,and I want it now, now, now. I get scared because I end up doing nothing if nothing is there for me. But if one day, someone comes along? I think I’ll fall too quickly, too easily, to fully. Knowing better, wanting better, deserving more. Consciously sending myself on a path to destruction.

I am scared of myself, and it scares me.

When you're gone

Fri, 08 Feb 2013 17:34:51 -0500

The room is colder than normal

I try to do my homework but have no motivation

I end up staring at the clock a lot

I waste time on the computer

I do things that end up making me feel sad about myself

And I miss you :(

Love

Tue, 05 Feb 2013 21:07:13 -0500

If you get hungry enough,

You might eat anything.